Thoughts from Dad: What I wish you knew about Autism

Did you know April is Autism Awareness Month? Bam! You’ve just been made "aware". I’m not sure what awareness does other than simply get you to think, "Hmm, Autism exists. Now I am aware!" Perhaps now more than any other month, you might be motivated to do something you wouldn’t otherwise do for an autistic kid, or his handsome dad (Let me also make you aware that our kitchen is in dire need of straightening up, if you want to help).

Nevertheless, "Autism Awareness Month" it is, so I would like to take this opportunity to make you aware of some things you may not have already known.

1) My son, Matthew, is autistic. He is three years old. We call him "Matt-Man".

2) Autism is real.

Many (presumably those whose kids are not autistic) excuse it by saying, "Every child is different." True, but there is a range of "normal" and my son, and other autistic kids, fall outside of that range. There is "normal", and then there is "Something isn’t right."

Many (presumably those whose kids are not autistic) think it is one of those things like "ADHD" which has a reputation of getting overprescribed and overmedicated and blown out of proportion. I would challenge you to take my son to live with you for a week and see if you still think that’s true. Matt-Man does not make nor keep eye contact. He does not volunteer affection. Matt-Man is a social misfit—If there is a group of kids playing together, he will avoid them at all costs. Matt-Man cries when he is upset and will not—cannot—tell us why. Matt-Man has severe sensory processing issues—sometimes the only thing that can calm him down is to put a stocking-cap on his head, even in the summer; he requires daily brushing, scratching, and squeezing from head to toe. Matt-Man cannot jump, flaps his hands, crawls on the floor while rubbing his head on the carpet, lines up his toys in perfect rows, and can open and shut a cabinet door for hours. All of these things are true and Matt-Man is only mild-to-moderately Autistic. They are exponentially worse for other kids.

3) Some of Matt-Man’s weird quirks are endearingly adorable. Unlike many other Autistic kids, Matt-Man is verbal, and he starts every sentence (and I mean EVERY sentence) with either "I want…" or "Oh no!" "I want a cookie." "I want to go potty." "I want to throw me on the couch." "Oh no, the baby’s crying again." "Oh no, it’s raining outside." "Oh no, I peed in the bathtub." Also, he is monotone. By that I mean he talks in the note "D". Sometimes it is an "A" but most often it is "D". I could almost tune my guitar to the note his voice makes when he talks.

4) Autism is not caused by vaccines. a) Matt-Man and my other two children were vaccinated against the same things, yet only one is autistic. It would stand to reason that if one child were autistic, all of them would be, or none of them would be. b) The "science" that "suggested" there was a link between vaccines and autism has been debunked by the scientific community. It was downright fraudulent. As it turns out, a handful of quacks, led by Dr. Wakefield, using too small of a sample and questionable scientific methods developed a "report" which was later retracted by the broader medical community (http://www.bmj.com/content/342/bmj.c7452). (We should also thank former playmate, Jenny McCarthy, for jumping on the "anti-vaccination" bandwagon, spreading bad science). On a related note, if you haven’t vaccinated your kids, please let me know so my kids can avoid your kids like the plague (which, coincidently, vaccines eradicated).

5) Matt-Man is not stupid. Quite the opposite, he is very smart. He can follow simple commands, do some problem-solving, and he is incredibly resourceful. For example, we have a pack-n-play in our living room for the baby. Matt-Man wanted in one time, but the walls of the pack-n-play are too tall for him to climb. So, he independently went into his baby sister’s room, grabbed a small child’s chair, dragged it to the living room and used it to boost himself into the pack-n-play. Dumb kids with no problem-solving skills wouldn’t be able to do that.  In addition, he has a sense of fairness – if other kids are getting treats, he wants one too.  Just recently, he was in a situation where the adult in charge gave all the kids a piece of hard candy (a notoriously bad idea) except for Matt-Man because, ironically, she understood that would be a notoriously bad idea.  Matt-Man proceeded to melt down at the injustice of other kids getting a treat except for him.  He knows the difference between right and wrong.

6) Matt-Man, like other autistic kids, is a kid first; not a label, a statistic, or a science experiment, but a kid. He likes to laugh and be tickled. He likes to tackle his daddy (and as comes with the territory, likes to injure daddy with a swift knee to the crotch). He likes to be thrown into the air and thrown onto the couch. He also likes sitting on mommy and daddy’s lap having a book read to him. He likes eating candy and cookies and does not like eating vegetables. He steals candy and cookies and throws vegetables on the floor when we are not looking. While he does not often volunteer affection, he loves hugging and being hugged, kissing his baby sister, giving and receiving hi-fives. He likes going down a slide and swinging on a swing set. He likes playing in dirt and picking up worms. He likes being mischievous and causing trouble, like putting dirty socks on his brother’s head. He likes playing with cars, throwing balls, watching Thomas the Train and swimming. He likes petting, playing with, and being licked by the dog. He thinks bodily noises are funny and fights us when it is time for bed.

7) I love my little Matt-Man; not more than my other two kids, and certainly not less. And while I would not have signed up for having an autistic kid before we had Matt-Man, fully acknowledging that some days are worse than others, I would never in a million years consider going back. I will take my Matt-Man with all the frustrations, challenges, joys, and opportunities he affords and will continue to thank God for the incredibly wonderful enigma that is my son, Matthew.